What a difference a year makes…

One year ago today, I walked into a hospital room. Mom had not spoken in a week. Jeff said we need to go and I agreed. But, I dreaded it.

My last two visits were silent. I just watched her breathe. A struggling breath.

One visit, I climbed into her hospital bed and cried on her shoulder.

After all the years of her failing health, I struggled with admitting she was sick. My denial did nothing to change the reality.

I walked into her room the last time and said, “Hello Mother”. She opened her eyes and said, “Hello Baby Girl”. It took my breath. I told her I thought I would never hear her voice again. And she apologized. We talked for 30 minutes.

The next night I got the call that she was gone.

I miss all of the things that made her-Her.

She would call you to her bedside and say I have something for you.

There was no telling.

Her creations were unique to say the least. Sometimes I cringed.

But not Reagen. She was always a good sport. A crazy hat?

She put on the hat and smiled.

I spent my lifetime wanting her to be someone else. I spent the last year missing who she was.

If you are fortunate enough to have a sweet and loving and crazy mom, hug them for yourself. But add an extra squeeze from me.

I am so thankful for 44 years sweet Jackie Lou. And even more thankful for 13 years of a little girl that acts like you. Reagen has your middle name.

But more importantly, she has your heart. And, I am trying to be more like the both of you. One day at a time.

Good night, Sweet dreams and God bless you Mother.

Your Baby Girl

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