One year ago today, I walked into a hospital room. Mom had not spoken in a week. Jeff said we need to go and I agreed. But, I dreaded it.
My last two visits were silent. I just watched her breathe. A struggling breath.
One visit, I climbed into her hospital bed and cried on her shoulder.
After all the years of her failing health, I struggled with admitting she was sick. My denial did nothing to change the reality.
I walked into her room the last time and said, “Hello Mother”. She opened her eyes and said, “Hello Baby Girl”. It took my breath. I told her I thought I would never hear her voice again. And she apologized. We talked for 30 minutes.
The next night I got the call that she was gone.
I miss all of the things that made her-Her.
She would call you to her bedside and say I have something for you.
There was no telling.
Her creations were unique to say the least. Sometimes I cringed.
But not Reagen. She was always a good sport. A crazy hat?
She put on the hat and smiled.
I spent my lifetime wanting her to be someone else. I spent the last year missing who she was.
If you are fortunate enough to have a sweet and loving and crazy mom, hug them for yourself. But add an extra squeeze from me.
I am so thankful for 44 years sweet Jackie Lou. And even more thankful for 13 years of a little girl that acts like you. Reagen has your middle name.
But more importantly, she has your heart. And, I am trying to be more like the both of you. One day at a time.
Good night, Sweet dreams and God bless you Mother.
Your Baby Girl